The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I turned 19 a couple of days ago n I just wanna thank everybody who wished me a happy bday. .something amazing happened I guess.I got blessed and a day after my best friend from high school wrote n wished me. the best thing about this is that in all my friend whom I went to high school with she was the only one who remembered, I have known them longer than her buh she remembered I guess we actually were bffz in high skul. ..we planning on meeting up..hope it goes well. I actually miss her.

at night she says a chant..I think that it gives her strength to sleep and be able to wake up in the morning. ..in the chant she thanks God n reminds him about all the bad things that cant happen to her and her kids because God loves them...its all goes down on God loving them.its pretty sad. .it almost makes me lose faith and hope.her chant is heartbreaking. .it makes me wanna break a wall or kick something. ..why?? its all down to Him loving us..we cant compare ourselves to others ..we all have our own burdens to carry. worry about ur own shit and forget about the shit of others coz its of no concern to you...buh thats wrong...wishing I cud fuckin scream buh I cant...her life is sad n its heartbreaking. .her faith in God's grace is amazeballz. ..I hope he delivers

I dont know whats wrong with me...maybe its stupidity or im just bad at making decisions. .wish there was a way out..how do you expect someone to sit in a matchbox of a room 24/7??? with nobody to talk to?whatever you are afraid of shows how much faith you dont have in me...why cant u believe that im not you and dumb anymore. ..wish I could talk to you buh you never give me a chance..its da 21st century. .if I cant fuckin talk to you who else am I supposed to talk to? ? some times I just feel like beating the crap out of you. .im sure that u feel da same way...im tired

im thinking of writing a novel..I have written down a few stories but I always end up throwing em away coz I dont think that they good enough.ill stick to this story till I finish it.the title will be loving lucifer:the power of love...I guess its ma fantasy. .its a wish that love is meant to be enough..that maybe love can save the darkest soul to ever be created..I am actually excited. .cant wait to meet lucifer through the eyes of April...my sorta best friend doesn't agree with the book. .thinks that imna go to hell or it will give the devil ammunition to come and wreck my life..pure bullshit...I just wanna write about a pure love..she advised me not to allow lucifer to change coz it would never happen in real life...I think that it would...ill just keep on writing n see what April wants...im bloody excited..n love should fucking be enough..

dear love I love how you torment me.you are such a beast. I love your scars, they give you character and make you the man of my dreams.I am a sinner and so I want you to punish me, torture me, break my spirit down n then rebuild me.I am wild so domesticate me.pour ice water on my fire.beat me up till I cant scream no more but do all this with love in your soul n eyes. tell me that its gonna be okay.you wont break my heart.just my soul.let your darkness be my redeeming light, dear love love the helplessness and emptyness away.Dear love, I love words..talk to me, allow me to know all your darkest thoughts. lemme heal ur heart.dont ever confess your like or love for me for it will push me away.I wanna please you and if you make me happy run away for I dont deserve it.dear love, fuck my mind to kingdom come.dear love I care for you so.

I feel disconnected. .its almost as if im not sure about what I am thinking or feeling. ..im not sad buh neither am I happy. .its like da calm before the storm.something major is about to happen and its either gonna leave me feeling like a million bucks or feeling like an aborted child; unloved and unwanted. my bffz bf is lying to her, shit aint important but I think that although they 'love' each other their relationship lacks real companionship n love.I truly hope that they will be togeda foreva. my bff thinks that I should see a therapist coz I dont like guyz my age, thinks that I go for older guys because I never had a father and so im looking for a father figure whom I can still fuck, talk about real daddy issues. I dont think that thats whats going on with me, I just want a guy who is gonna control n me n take away my control in some situations. not much to ask for. im thinking God needs true love right now. . actually we all need true love once in a while

There is that day or time in your life, when you dont know what you are feeling. you think you feel empty or sad or depressed or just normal.But there is something at the back of your mind eating you.It makes you wanna be violent and kill a few assholes, it makes you wish you had a gun to blow your brains out.It forces you to look at life from a different perspective. and its sad.you see things clearly. its almost as if a veil is removed and then you see how all you thought was true was just a fabrication of your mind. Those are the worst moments, your own feelings are foreign to you.Those moments call for weed, some booze and friends. .but you dont have non of that...or even if you do..dem niggaz either dont understand what the fuck you going through or they give fuckall about you...life is beautiful n fucked up..dont let these moments get to you

COMMENTS

-

---

Scorpion
08:04 Jun 17 2015

You know what. I'm freaking scared lol babe you are young. Just focus on something what will be good for you. You are not depressed you are just bored. Believe me. I am surgeon but isn't hard to recognize young person who is pretty bored.

Ps. Don't take this wrong. I didn't mean anything bad. I'm just saying.

---

POST COMMENT

I just saw someone that I love beat a monkey...she threw a stone at it..the pain was so much that it lay there fo a second as if dead...gosh I nearly took the stone to throw at her too..the monkey woke up crying this cute broken cry..thankfully its walking fine nw...I shed a few tears n now im pretty angry at her and depressed...im definitely goin to become vegetarian nw..I doubt God put us on earth to torture his creations. ..n the animals we eat could be the father, mother, sister or brother to another animal. ..I cant feel the same I felt about me before she threw the stone...the pain the poor baby monkey must b feeling. ..hope its okay

COMMENTS

-

---

MrB
17:54 Jun 11 2015

There's a MASSIVE difference between killing an animal for food and hurting/killing an animal for fun. Which is the major reason I do not call hunting, "sport."



I definitely would have reported that person to the proper authorities.

---

POST COMMENT

its a little bit sad when you finally realize that your mom will never believe in you, that she will always assume the worst shit about you. ..but its cool coz you finally see the light..you know never to tell her any of your thoughts, happiness or your sorrow. she loves you. of that you are sure buh your past mistakes are just too huge to ignore..she will never get you.you will always fight, she will irritate the shit out of you but you know that she has done everything in her power to give you a good life. that gives you hope.when you contemplate suicide her face saves you,you know that you cant live her here in this harsh world all by herself and thats your saving grace. I guess all you have to do is live your life n forget about her bullshit

COMMENTS

-

---

redlink1435
22:30 Jun 10 2015

sounds like we have the same mom im working on proving mines wrong

---

POST COMMENT